Nightly Deposits

Not a lot of this going on in our home over the past 9 days....

No shut-eye here for this momma.

While I am very grateful that jet leg has finally lifted, (the 1 day recovery for every time zone traveled holds true!) I have found myself in a constant state of pleading with the Lord...pleading for at least 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. You see, our sweet one, has not been able to slumber for more than 1-2 hours during the night since we brought him back with us to the hotel in Ethiopia 15 days ago. I have been a walking zombie, a very cranky zombie, I tell ya!! While I have read books and blogs of others who have gone before us on this topic, I think secretly I had hoped our baby would be different in this night time drama. Surely the Lord knew our plates were full to overflowing already! With 6 others who need our full attention and care during the waking hours and I had prayed long and hard that he would be a sleeper. Well, truth be told...he's not a sleeper...he's textbook! All the waking and crying and wanting to be held and comforted is so the needs in his tender heart can be met and healing can begin. Its hard to imagine that this little 8 month old would have such deep hurts, but for an orphan of any age the loss they have experienced can only be mended by consistent care, much of which must be met during the dark of the night. It has taken the Lord a week and a half to do some work in my own thought patterns in regards to this night time madness, but His light broke through in the wee hours of this morning as I was rocking and cuddling Timothy for the 18th time (not that I was counting....) as I was gazing at this precious gift all bundled in blankets. As I listened to his contented breathing, my prayers turned from,

"Lord, you know what I need right now...sleep!"

to

"Lord, you know what HE needs right now

and I am the blessed momma you have chosen to bring these nightly deposits to this tender and needy heart. I pray, by your Spirit, you grant me the strength I need to snuggle, soothe, rock and love so the healing process can begin."

As I woke this morning, I was reminded of Beth Guckenberger's great visual of what happens to an orphan's heart and how the deposits we make in their lives help to rebuild their hearts one intentional moment at a time.

Tonight as I rock and love on the gift I have been given, I will do it with a different attitude. It still won't be easy and I am sure I will still long to be in the comfort of my warm bed. But I know this too shall pass and by God's grace at the end of this road, we will have a sweet little brown eyed boy who has a mended heart. I pray this is the beginning of a sweet peace that will take root and will grow to produce lasting trust and confidence in his maker...one night deposit at a time!

Not by might, nor by power, but by your Spirit, Lord, may I be a faithful deliver of your love, grace and peace to this precious boy.

"On my bed I remember you;

I think of you through the watches of the night.

You are my help,

I will sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;

Your right hand upholds me."

Psalm 64: 6-8